I woke up this morning feeling a little fuzzy headed after a night on the tiles. Whether it’s the morning after the night before, or just the events of the preceding evening, I’m in reflective mood. Well, they do say for every action there is an outcome, so it probably follows that if you drink lots of red wine, you will get a hangover…But what about outcomes we don’t intend?
I sometimes think if we had sufficient information, we would be more prescient – able to predict the consequences of our actions. But would this be a good thing? If we knew, I mean – absolutely – knew what would happen if we followed our hearts’ content, if we said what we really felt, if we kissed the friend we’d loved from afar, or took a job on the other side of the world…Would we still do it? Or would all that knowing paralyse us and simply leave us wondering …‘what if’?
In the silence between our words, we litter our conversations with unspoken longing. Often we don’t say what we mean or withhold information for fear of being made vulnerable. We may be intelligent apes, but it is not our language that give us away. When we don’t intend to reveal what we are really thinking, it is our hearts that betray us more eloquently than speech.
It was one of those days that I took a very hard look in the mirror and knew that something fundamental had to change. So, instead of drowning my sadness in a glass of red wine (usually my preferred option) I put on my trainers and went for a run…
What makes this blogworthy, is that I’ve discovered that I can actually run 5 miles (about 8 km) without stopping. Slowly. Steadily. A small, but significant accomplishment. Especially since I’m not exactly built like an athlete. Well, I have a pair of legs, but that’s where the similarity ends…
More surprisingly, I’ve discovered that I really enjoy running. O.M.G.! did I actually write that? OK, let me be honest here…the first 20 minutes are always agony and I keep hoping that the NRLI will actually ignore the drowning people and be on standby in case I collapse outside the lifeboat station… No such luck!
Still, once I get past that landmark, and head along the open stretch of coast between my home town and the next village, my head empties and I actually begin to enjoy the experience. I know it’s probably the endorphins kicking in, but somehow running makes me feel good in a whole new way. For an hour, I can forget about my worries, and just be. Nothing but me, the sea and my iPod.
Of course, being a goal-oriented individual, I’ve decided that 5 miles isn’t enough, and I’m now in training to see if I can actually reach the 13 mile (20 km) mark. Who am I competing against? Myself. Will I get there? Your guess is as good as mine. I’m in the running… And I am definitely going to have a good time trying.