Tag: health warning

B is for Bedpost…

Chiromancer1 Comment

I am the eldest sibling and therefore supposedly the ‘sensible’ one.  Yeah, and whoever made up that myth was clearly an only child!   When my middle sister went to university, I wrote her a long letter explaining that she would encounter several types of men – most of which came with a health warning.  I know…there are exceptions and she married one, but he didn’t go to uni, so bang goes that theory!

It wasn’t so much that I was trying to warn her off, more that with prior knowledge she would be better equipped to identify and neutralise nefarious types. A sensible approach. Now, I know loads of really lovely men – stand up guys, fantastic friends, great fathers, husbands and generally good boyfriend material.  But like I said, there are exceptions… After comparing notes with a group of girlfriends, I realise that even when you are a grown up, you may still need the sensible girl’s guide to a$$holes, so here it is, just in case…

Scenario #1. If… after a first date, they do not call, it is not because they are 17th century time-travellers who do not understand 21st century technology.  And no, they have not been in an accident and lost all memory of your phone number! They do not call, because they are a$$holes…and you…well, you are another notch on their bedpost.

Scenario #2. If… they say ‘I’d like to be in a relationship, but it’s complicated’…that is your cue to exit the building. Complicated usually means they are a) …married b) ….in rehab or c) …have more high-maintenance baggage than a Louis Vuitton store!  They are to be avoided…

Scenario #3. If…they text you incessantly at odd hours of the night but at no other time…it is not ‘grand passion’ – it is the drunken trawling of their Blackberry (aka the modern version of the little black book) and the arrogant certainty that you will be so desperate to have sex with them (well, you are single after all), that you will find this endearing.  It is not.

Scenario #4. If…they request spanking on the first night you actually do abandon sense and sleep with them, or if they profess a love for duct tape…(?)  fishing…(??) line or pole dancing…(???)  Do you really have to ask? They are deviant psychopaths and you should dial 999 immediately!

Shoot from the lip…

Chiromancer1 Comment

As little girls we are taught that sugar and spice is nice, the emphasis on the sugar, the implication being that ‘nice’ girls never express their opinion. Yeah, right…! Still, this anachronism was brought home to me this week in a most  unexpected place… my Msc class.  

I know! University is meant to be a place of free expression, debate and argument.  If not, what on earth is the point?  For my sins I’m doing a post graduate degree in Corporate Governance and Ethics. It’s true I have given up self improvement, but I love learning…probably serves me right. Anyway, in one of my classes,  I made an off-the-cuff remark about arms dealers in Africa.  Sardonic, yes.  Serious…? Hardly!! Clearly, I was being ironic when I said that manufacturing in Africa would grow if local people made guns – well, let’s be honest, of the known conflicts in the world, the majority take place across the central belt of Africa – why not exploit the market?  Among my many flaws I am a free marketeer.

At this point, horrified hisses in class…H.a.l.l.o people! Get real…would I actually be doing a class on Corporate Responsibility if I felt that poor African farmers should give up their maize and cows and start assembling Kalashnikovs? Oh puh-leeze!  I even got accused of being a Daily Mail reader.  That was bad, but it was not the final straw.

What really got to me was that this class of  young people in their 20s and 30s  had sacrificed their sense of humour and opinions on the altar of political correctness. Somehow it was anathaema that I had expressed an opinion (albeit ironically) that went against the general consensus. Hmmm, and 200,000 lemmings must be right too!  I’m sorry, but when did it become ok to have a focus on not expressing one’s views? Un-opinioned and bland is the enemy of progress to my mind.  And yes, I do have one!  I’m not afraid to use it. That’s one of the benefits of being sapient…

Still, I’m old enough for this not to matter overmuch. But consider this blog fair warning to those po-faced political correctoids…Get over it, or get over yourselves! I am opinioned woman, and I will roar.  Whether you like it or not!

Chilcot…

Chiromancer1 Comment

I am so enraged by the public inquiry into the legitimacy of the Iraq invasion. Yes, you heard me right when I said invasion. When you cross the borders of another sovereign state bearing arms it’s usually consistent with an act of hostility. Especially since the rationale for the persistent and senseless killing of our soldiers turns out to be WMD with special properties – dangerous arms that also have the capability of evaporating into thin air – perhaps we’ll call them Weapons of Mass Disappearance, shall we?

At UK taxpayers expense (we don’t yet know how much as our govt is keeping this under wraps until the final report is published) Sir John Chilcot is conducting a ‘public’ inquiry. To establish whether a war that has cost UK taxpayers an estimated £7 billion, left the families and friends of 176 British soldiers grieving, and killed an estimated 95,158 Iraqi civilians – was legally justified.  Iraq continues to be the non-state terrorism capital of the world, suffering more deaths from such attacks than any other country.  And the UK continues to be a more dangerous place thanks to the actions of Blair and Bush.

All this is bad enough, but what has really made me very angry, is that on Friday, Tony Blair took the stand – not to apologise, or even show one shred of remorse for the people who have died as a result of this conflict.  No, instead he was there to tell – in that faux sincere voice which makes me want to slap him – to tell, the inquiry panel how he was absolutely justified in going to war – thereby ignoring a UN resolution and acting against the advice of the finest legal minds in the UK.

Blair and Bin Laden share common ground. Both have ambitions to leave a world legacy. Blair wants the ‘Faith Foundation’ to be how he will be remembered, no doubt Bin Laden’s aspirations stretch in a similar religious direction. They are dangerous men.  What makes them so is not that they have blood on their hands. Or even that they feel no remorse for their actions.  They are dangerous because of the shared conviction they have God on their side.