Trigger finger…

I used to be a real hot-head when I was in my twenties, but somehow I’ve managed to temper my temper and keep that short fuse well hidden as I’ve got older. This is probably also known as ‘becoming English‘ since I’ve lived in Blighty long enough for some of that British reserve to rub off.

Of course, my genes are totally against me – I have an Irish and Italian background so the lovers and the fighters are equally represented when I get very angry. Not to mention the stroppy South African contingent who tell it like it is and not how others like to hear it.  Perhaps this is why I’ve recently morphed into a sailor with Tourettes, replacing adjectives with expletives. Not terribly lady-like I know, but ever so satisfying to say when confronted by the idiocies of modern life…automated call systems, for instance.

Picture the scenario – you have a problem and need to speak to a human being.  You dial the number of the helpdesk that promises ‘extraordinary service’. You get…some disembodied tinny recording saying ‘press one for query X, press two for query Y…’ Then, you get a recorded message that says…’your call is important to us, please hold’.  By now 15 minutes have elapsed while you’ve waited for the cyber-operator to do its best to deter you from actually speaking to a  real person. God forbid!  More time goes by while you listen to Yamaha’s interpretation of rock classics and then you get a message saying…’we’re sorry, we can’t speak to you right now. If you’d like to leave your number, press one for…’

Instead of using my finger to dial a number, I’m beginning to think it would be simpler to use it to put a bullet in the head of the idiot management consultants who think automation is synonomous with customer service. Who hires these turkeys? Yep, stuff like this really brings out the anarchist in me, and I find I become prone to small acts of civil disobedience…

Next time you get one of those voice activated systems that asks you to ‘speak your postcode’  my advice is to just keep saying f$&K and B*£££r – you’ll get put through straight away!