Image © Yulia Petrova | Dreamstime.com
I started my week doing outdoor yoga with a view of a windmill and a canal on one side and the most beautiful medieval city (Bruges) on the other. So far, so…okay.
‘Okay!’ I hear you yell! ‘Stop bragging, Be grateful woman! ‘ I am. I mean… I am grateful. Nevertheless, no bragging involved as I am the most caterpillar of all the yoga class – between translating from Dutch to English, then having to learn the moves while breathing in or out…or is that out or in. Buddha knows, because I certainly don’t! I still struggle to tell my downward dog from my derriere and my warrior pose resembles a wobble…
The highlight of this morning was the warm down – everyone lying in a circle, being zen. Except me, because an insect bit me so hard I shouted out loud while everyone else was ohm-ing! The humiliation! ”Eina!’ is not ‘ouch’ in Dutch. Nor is it ohm! There I lay, berating myself for being so ungraceful and on top of it all, just being the outsider. ‘Not good enough! Not…enough!
The ‘not enough’ demon is one who comes to visit fairly frequently – perhaps I’m peri-mental (more on this in another post) or just deranged, but he seems to have taken great delight recently in making me feel somehow smaller, and less than I am. I mean, less than I know what I have been and accomplished. He’s also managed to add a few more kilograms than are necessary! How can I be less when I weigh so much more! Earghh! He’s there when I examine myself in the mirror, he’s dogging me when I’m on assignment (or looking for work), and today, he showed up in my yoga class. Really?
The thing is. I got home and read a post from our yoga teacher, where she shared how she felt…’not enough’. I was puzzled. Here is this fantastic teacher , who runs a great business and on top of it is super bendy and slim…and yet, she felt like me…well, sort of…except, she can do warrior pose in her sleep!.
Which got me thinking…
As women we judge ourselves so harshly. Not thin…enough! Not perfect…enough! Just not..enough. Too old. Too fat. Therefore not good enough as a parent, lover, wife, sister, stepmom, CEO…Is that really how others see us? When did this happen? And why are we accepting this heretic inner dialogue as the gospel truth? What a crock!
The truth is…we are enough. We are women, and we have power. We just need to reclaim it. One breath at a time…