Tag: love

Forest Fire…

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Wagner Dodge was a smoke jumper who was called to fight a fire in Mann Gulch, Montana in 1945.  Gulch wildfires are notoriously difficult to control – the safest route was for the fire team to make their way down the slope towards water.  But the fire jumped from one side of the valley to the other, and a wall of fire began racing up the hill towards the men.  They ran away.  Well, when faced with a wall of flame 200 feet high, what would you do…? 

Wagner Dodge didn’t run.  He realised that if he ran from the fire he would die. Heat rises.  Fire accellerates uphill.  Wagner Dodge stopped, lit a match. He made a circle of fire around himself, and laid down in the charred earth while the flames raced towards him.  Fire can’t burn what’s already been scorched.  This seemingly crazy, counter-intuitive and irrational action, saved his life.

I’ve given Wagner Dodge a lot of thought since mid-September.  My own forest fire has been of the emotional kind. Like an inferno, love sparks disaster and has the power to melt rocks. Just not the ones in my heart, the moment I realised someone I love was lost to me. There was only one thing to do. To save myself from total immolation, I took a metaphorical match to my heart’s desire and set it ablaze.  Fire can’t burn what’s already been scorched. 

The inspiration for today’s blog was Lloyd Cole.

Dharma…

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The one thing that nobody tells you about being an adult is how hard it is to do the right thing.  Matters that were really clear cut when I was younger have somehow developed blurred edges and hues of grey, as I become more of a grown up and less of the shy, spider-legged girl I used to be.

So, what does doing the right thing mean?  Hard to say as its different for each of us. For me…well, I’ve learnt not to judge people any more. (I of course would make an exception for those who would harm children or animals!) Still, everybody has their own spiritual journey, and you never really know what is going on in someone’s head or indeed their heart.  As adults, we become very good at dissembling truth. Grown ups lie for all sorts of good reasons.  Guilt. Fear. Love. Still, I wish people were more honest and up front with eachother. It might not lead to world peace, but it would save a lot of time and agony.

The right thing can also mean knowing when to walk away, and when to stand and fight for what you are passionate about. On balance, I think it is always better to act out of great love rather than great fear. I don’t think it is possible to love what you fear, though perhaps love can turn into hate. Or maybe we just fear the consequences of what we do and think. Another lesson that comes with being an adult.  Taking responsibility. And, knowing when to take a chance. For change. For happiness. For success. Sometimes the right thing, and the hard thing are the same thing.

First kiss…

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The first boy I ever kissed, was the same age as me, but in the year below at school.   I was extremely shy and scared as hell, but he was more experienced (Tick) and very good looking (Tick). He was also a good kisser (Big Tick).   He leant across the stable door at the front of our house and kissed me, casually. It was lovely. In fact, it was perfect.

I remember that kiss because it was the first time I had been that close to a boy who really liked me.  Well, that’s not strictly true.  When I was fourteen a boy who really liked me tried to kiss me and … I ran away – yes, literally! I just wasn’t ready to give my heart. And frankly, trying to kiss me in the middle of a department store (in public…eeuuww!) was never going to work, was it? 

 Rodin sculpted it, Eisenstadt and Doisneau photographed it.  Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy princess found her prince by kissing an amphibian. Hell, Heshey’s even turned it into a chocolate! O.K., maybe that last one doesn’t count, but kissing is an intimate act. It’s a way of being close to someone. And maybe a way of keeping out the cold of  loneliness by starting a fire.

And yes, some kisses are rash (no, I really didn’t mean to…honest), some are an affirmation of life (it was a funeral and I was sad) and some are just what they are (in the moment for the moment…I was curious). Some kisses herald the beginning of great happiness (a.k.a. lust – or love – at first sight) and some mean unwelcome obligation (a.k.a. I kissed you and you were so rubbish I need therapy!) A kiss can give you power, or enslave you. (Just think of Judas! )

For me, kisses are a form of divination.  You can tell from a kiss if its meant to be, or meant to fizzle. Some are fun, but the ones that count are the ones that really make you tingle.